grace & truth & a little bit of sarcasm



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  • Alanah Medford

I ruined date night.

Anyone ever been in like, the greatest mood ever, only to have it come crashing down and coming to an abrupt end like a boulder crashing through a city? Well sister, you are not alone. After a much anticipated date night with my husband last night, I let FOUR little words almost ruin it. Actually, for a while, I did let those words ruin it. How on earth can words have so much power over us? The Bible says, words give life or death, and boy oh boy, is that the truth. Last night I was basically rolling over in my grave... Okay, that's a little dramatic but I am kind of not kidding. So, since this is my first post, let me give you guys a little back story.

My husband is a third shift police officer. Meaning, he works through the night while the rest of us are sleeping. It takes a special man to do that. I know there's nothing he wants more than to be home with us. Most every night, he misses bath time, dinner time, and bedtime cuddles with our newborn son. We miss him so much on the nights he works, but somebody has to save the city! And who better than my husband, amirite? On the days he works, 88% of the time he also works a part-time, because we have a newborn and babies are freaking expensive! Also, so is my Amazon Prime addiction, but that's a story for another day. Here's a typical Wednesday for my husband; Court at 1pm, part-time at 4pm, regular shift at 9pm-7am. Hello, where is our time together? Um, non-existent. See, I have a full time job, too. Oh, and A BABY! It's a stretch to say we spend more than 12 hours together on a weekly basis, and most of the time that 12 hours is solely revolved around taking care of our baby. (Disclaimer, I am not complaining. We have found our stride and what works best for us, but that doesn't mean it's easy). My husband worked 15 hours of overtime in a 4 day period. 55 hours in 4 days! What. Even. SO, ask me how much I saw him over that time? Long enough to kiss me and the baby goodbye and say, "see ya tomorrow." When I say I was looking forward to this date night, I was really looking forward to this date night.

My parents are great. They love my son. They love spending time with my son. They love my husband and I. And they'd do anything in the world for us. But last night, as we kissed Rohen goodbye and said, "be good, we will see you later!" I heard in the baby voice, you know people always do when they're pretending to talk to you from the babies perspective, "you're always leaving me!" I. Lost. It. Not right then, not even right when we got into the car. But the more I thought about it, the more my blood boiled, the more tears welled up in my eyes, and the crankier I got. Now, lets be clear... I know that comment was not made to make me upset. In fact, I am positive it was just a joke. BECAUSE, we literally NEVER leave him! Last night was the first night my husband and I had any sort of alone time probably in 3 weeks, unless you count when i'm using the bathroom and he comes in to ask me a question, or when he's sleeping and I go in to tell him to get up and hang out with me. This. Is. Not. A. Joke. It's real life people!

"How can they possibly say that?" "I never leave my son!" "We never do anything just the two of us!" "I spend all my days up to my ears in baby poop, and formula, and laundry, and DUST! My God, the dust. I let that comment turn into basically being told, "you're a bad mom." "FIRST OF ALL, I AM A GREAT MOM! SECOND OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU!" I was so defensive. Again, like, why. No one ever said I was a bad mom. How do our minds trick us into believing lies we have never even heard come out of the mouth of a human? How can four little measly stupid words effect us so much? Um, I will tell you how. Because the devil is a lie.

So, my husband I were at Straight to Ale eating dinner, drinking drinks, spending money we don't need to be spending, because, duh, date night. And all of the sudden, those words came out of no where like a flying saucer and smacked me dead in my perfectly curled head of hair. I mean, you could see my head bounce off the table as it hit. (Yall know I was looking forward to this date night because I actually showered, blow dried, and curled my hair all in one day! Mama's I SEE YOU!). I was mad. My husband knew it. And then all of the sudden I was crying. And then all of the sudden after that, I was mad at him and we were arguing. And then all of the sudden after that, after planning this extravagant date night to go eat dinner then go walk around Lowe's because we're adults and that is fun, we were on our way home. I had successfully ruined date night because, the devil is a lie. My husband spent 30 minutes trying to talk me off the edge, honestly, telling me how perfect I am, telling me to "shake it off" while shimmying like he had nipple tassels attached to his chest, and pleading with me to let it go and just enjoy our night together. "I need you, too," he said, after I suggested going to pick up Rohen after we'd only been away for and hour and a half, tops. My heart hurt. I was letting something so small drive a wedge between us on date night, which has a become something so sacred and meaningful to us.

We stopped at a store and he went inside. He grabbed a small (why small) bottle of Maker's Mark and said, "We are going home to sit outside on our porch. We're going to light the Tiki torches. You're going to have a drink with me. And we're going to have a date night." I was annoyed. Nonetheless, that's exactly what we did. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you what you're going to do rather than asking if you'd like to do it. One thing I admire about my husband is when we're arguing, he always ALWAYS always, does this for me. He knows, sometimes, you just gotta lay down the law with me. I am stubborn as a mule, hard headed as a cement block, and there is absolutely NO way you're getting me to back down. But that, that works.

As a police wife, time with my husband is never guaranteed. We've made plans and had to cancel. We've had to skip out on things just so he can get some rest after being up for 36 hours straight. And I have to remind myself every night that the sad reality of his job is, he may not make it home (SORRY DEPRESSING!) But that's the truth! When we get the OPPORTUNITY to spend time together, just us, no interruptions, it's not fair to either of us to use our time being mad or sad or cranky or tired. It's not fair to me because I am missing out on valuable, critical, relationship changing time with my husband that should be used to build each other up and remind each other of how blessed we are to have each other. But, instead, I chose to be mad and sad and cranky over four little words.

We got home and spent an hour and a half goofing off, talking, laughing, drinking makers mark, and making out (hehe). I made a promise that I would leave the negative energy outside before we walked in the house. You know, people always say, energy is contagious... or something like that. I never believed it until I lived in a house with someone. I catch myself being mad if my husband is mad and happy if he is happy. I am the first person to admit that I let others energy effect me. I don't want to be that person. I want to be more like my husband. He doesn't have that problem.

Words are only as powerful as the power you give them. Last night I gave four words ALL the power and authority over me and my attitude. Words that I am certain, were not even meant to hurt me. I do that often. It's something I am working on... have been for years. How often do we let words that, lets be super real, mean absolutely nothing effect our attitude? "Wow, you look tired." "Are you going to eat all that?" (emphasis on all even though probably when it's said, there was no emphasis... that's just how we heard it). I guarantee someone will say something to you today that you take the wrong way. When you're an empathetic person, it is one of your greatest downfalls, but at the same time, also one of your biggest blessings. Letting words effect you is a choice. Giving words power is a choice. We can't walk around with noise blocking ear phones in all day, but we can choose to let the negative words roll off our backs. (I am rubber, you are glue! Sticks and stones my break my bones!) Not today, Satan!

Today, lets choose to choose our words wisely. Choose to be happy. Choose to not let people's words effect us. Choose to only be a of host positive thoughts, attitudes, and energy in our bodies. Choose to love your people. Choose to speak life into others. And, choose to not let words ruin sacred moments, which by the way, all of our moments are sacred. Choose joy, girlies.

In love.

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