grace & truth & a little bit of sarcasm



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  • Alanah Medford

Dear Baby Daddys -

Dear Baby Daddy's,

I see you, daddy. I see you working all day at a job where you feel under-appreciated and over worked. I know how you feel. How do I know? Because I feel the same way. I know working all day long is hard. Coming home should be a time of rest and retreat where you can sit on the couch and do nothing, drink a beer, enjoy the football game on TV or a hunting show. I know this because I feel the same way. However, I'd like to have a tall glass of wine and TGIT. I know talking to people all day long and meeting deadlines and feeling rushed and like there's not enough time in the day is not what your soul needs, but it's what your soul gets. I know this because there really isn't enough time in the day to do everything that needs to be done in my life either. I know you feel like you never have any time to yourself to do simple things like work out, or reorganize the garage, or go on a guys trip with your buddies you haven't seen in years. I know how you feel because I can't tell you the last time I worked out alone (or really at all), reorganized my closest, or even gotten to have a minute of solitude and peace to myself. I know sometimes you think back to what life was like before you had kids and a wife and a house to take care of. You remember how simple your days were. How drama free your life was. How quiet it was when you got home. I get it because I do too. Often, I think of the days when I had no responsibility except for getting myself to work on time, or even before that, just waking up for class.

I see you, daddy. And your baby mama sees you too.

We know you work hard all day. But so do we.

We know you need time to yourself. But so do we.

We know you need to feel appreciated. But so do we.

Your baby mama works hard. Whether she works away from home all day then comes home at night to take care of you, a house, and a baby, and dogs, and fish, and whatever else she may be responsible for. She works hard.

Whether she stays home all day with a your children who are screaming, and potty training, and wont eat the food she makes for them, or take naps, all while juggling laundry and cooking dinner, and trying to keep the house clean. She works hard.

Offer to help your partner. Give her some grace when the laundry isn't done or the floors aren't clean or she doesn't feel like cooking dinner.

Offer to watch the kids for a couple of hours just so she can get away for awhile. Getting away to her may only mean taking a trip around the block or putting in her headphones and listening to her favorite podcast uninterrupted for 15 minutes. Don't forget, she needs that. But remember, just because you offer it, doesn't mean she will take you up on it. Don't forget mama's feel guilty for these kinds of things. There is no winning in the mom shame game. Still offer.

Being a mom is a job in itself and the most important job of all. Chances are, your partner is the first one awake and the last to go to bed. She handles morning routines, and fixing bottles or lunches, and administering medicines, and getting babies dressed and fed, and daycare/school drop off's and pick ups, and doctors appointments, and temper tantrums, and bedtime, and night wakes, and cuddles when the babes are sad or don't feel good, and everything in between. She handles football practice, and parent teacher conferences, and discipline, and family get together's and birthday and Christmas shopping. She handles arranging family pictures and making sure you get a present on your birthday every year. She handles home work and math questions she has no idea how to answer and school projects and fundraisers. She does it all.

Your baby mama appreciates you. She appreciates how hard you work for your family outside of your home. But she also needs you to work hard for her when your 9a-5p ends or in my case, your 9p-7a. Show up for her. Be her partner. Work with her.

There are some things a baby daddy just can't do for his baby mama. Like kiss boo boo's on scraped knees, and give cuddles when the babe's don't feel good, or know exactly what's wrong based on the cries of her baby. And that is okay. But what you can do is support her. Help her when she asks. Tell her she is doing a great job. Tell her she is the most important woman in the world. She was made for this, after all.

Being a mom does not have to be a thankless job.

Give your baby mama all the love and appreciation and support. Flood her with compliments. Bring home flowers. Write a super sappy post about her on Facebook or Instagram. Take more pictures of her with your children. Tell her you will take care of dinner tonight and order take out. Run a bath for her after the kids are asleep. Have an actual conversation with her. Ask her about her day. Ask her how she is doing. Ask her how you can help her. (There's nothing sexier and better than when my husband asks me how he can help me. NOTHING!).

Do something nice for your baby mama today and every day. Remember that honestly, you'd be lost without her. You would. It's okay to admit that.

Love your baby mama today, baby daddy's. Love her more. Love her better. Give more grace. Offer a helping hand and a listening ear. Show up for your baby mama today. "A person who feels appreciated will always do more than a person who doesn't."

Baby mama's -- I am rooting for you. I am with you. I see you. You are doing a great job. You are appreciated and loved and known and heard and supported.

In love.

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