2nd Pregnancy's a Charm.
Imagine being so deep buried in poop diapers, bottle parts, and nausea that you can't even see the mounds of laundry or piles of dirty dishes that await you. Are you seeing it? Then you're seeing what my life has been like for the last 3 months that I have been on a writing strike. I can't even find time to shower more than twice a week, let alone sit down and put all my baby mama drama on paper. But yall, the drama.
I don't mean literal fight word drama. I mean mom-life, pregnancy, never any clean underwear, don't brush your teeth for 2 days, not showering all week, being late for work and appointments, and SICKNESS!!!!!!!! My gosh the sickness, type drama.
I've only been a mom for 9 months now. But I have been a pregnant mom of an infant for 4 of those months and let me tell yall something... if yall saw me and thought I was struggling with a new baby, you ain't seen nothing yet!
This pregnancy has honestly rocked my world. I never knew how much I could pray until I got pregnant again 4 months Post-Partum. Don't even get me started on my feelings on it... (wooooosahhhhh).
Because Rohen was 5 weeks early, I run the risk for another pre-term birth. Let's be honest. No one wants that. Let's also be honest.... Was I happy I did not have to carry a child 40 weeks, yes. Could you IMAGINE? My child was a whopping 6LBS at 35 weeks gestation! For sure, he would of been at least 9+lbs.
My entire 1st pregnancy I did CrossFit and Yoga. I stayed active. I ate semi-well. (However, Taco Bell was and is life). I was in the gym every day up until my third trimester and even then I went at least three times a week. I lifted heavy weights. I ran. I biked. I did push ups, and pull ups, and burpees. My body thanked me. I loved having a fit pregnancy. This time has been so much different.
Because Rohen was so early, I have strict doctors orders: NO CROSSFIT. No pelvic floor straining. No running. No lifting weights. No squats, lunges, or anything that forces my hips into a strenuous position. "Do some Pure Barre." LOL OK DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COSTS....
CrossFit saved me. I found CrossFit at a point in my life where I was submerged in anxiety and depression. I was unhappy with myself. I was self destructing. And then I walked into my gym. I met my husband. I met some of my best friends. I'd found my outlet. So to have that taken from me, I have been bitter and fighting with the demons that sent me there in the first place. Also because Rohen was so early, and there is really no explanation of WHY, I had to take progesterone suppositories.... yes, they are exactly what you think they are. On top of your normal first trimester nausea, fatigue and general just horror, I faced intense migraines, swelling, and bi-weekly cervical checks (still doing those, btw). The migraines became dibilitating which resulted in me not being able to get out of bed, take care of my son - and with my husbands work schedule it is simply not an option for me to be down and out - go to work, or really do anything that required the least bit of effort. My doctor allowed me to stop taking them at 14 weeks.... Until I could get the progesterone INJECTIONS at 19 weeks.
Here we are at 21 weeks. The progesterone injections suck. My headaches and nausea are back. Cervical checks suck. My pubic bone is bruised from the inside out because my child is sitting right there on my cervix opening... again... so we are going down the road we went down with Rohen with baby number two. My hips feel like they are breaking every move I make. I can't sleep. I am exhausted. And here I am, still required to take care of a tiny person whose life line is yours freaking truly!
Pregnancy is so hard. It's not sunshine and rainbows and sitting naked in a field of flowers and drinking pregnancy tea and beautiful locks of hair and glowing beautiful skin. It's stretch marks and pelvic pain and puking and hair LOSS and acne and weight gain and LOTS of crying. Even when it is easy, it's hard. On the days when I feel great, I look in the mirror and hate the way I look. On the days I look great, I feel awful. It's a lose lose most of the time. Hormones, cravings, emotions, body changes... they get the best of you. And when you have no choice but to get up and put your game face on because you have a tiny person that relies on you.... It forces you to be tough - but, when you don't feel tough and your emotions are getting the best of you, it's hard to put on that brave face and get shit done.
I am complaining... Sometimes it can make us feel better just to vent about the crap in our lives. But you know what guys... babies are a real gift (I say as I grit my teeth).
I have to remind myself that all this suffering... all the sleepless nights... the hip pain... nausea... all of it. It will honestly soon be a distant memory! I won't even remember how terrible this has been when that new baby is here and I see my first born kiddie with his new little brother. It's just like labor. The pain you go through immediately leaves your mind as soon as that new baby is laying on your chest.
These last 9 months have been the most joyful, most fulfilling, most grace filled, most love shared months of my entire life. I have learned more about myself in the last 273.75 days than I think I have learned in my last 28 years. I have seen my husband in a new light that makes me love him more every single day. I have seen our parents love our baby which now makes me see how much they love us. I have seen my friends care for my child the way they care for their own. And I have seen God's hand in it all.
The suffering is only for a little while. The joy is forever.
So mama's and mama's to be who are going through pregnancy wishing it all would end... it will. It's only temporary. Remember to give yourself grace and a hug every single day. You are doing the very best you can. The laundry can wait. The dishes will still be there. Take a nap. Read a book. Soak in a bath. Drink a hot cup of coffee because soon you'll be drinking it cold. Remember you are worth it and you are awesome and you are growing a human and you are a bad freaking ass woman.
In ALL the love.